The Ballad of Edd
by ILuvTheWeasleys
Summary: A new girl moves into Peach Creek. Eddy think she makes money, Ed thinks she's an alien, and Edd, well, he doesn't know. I DON'T OWN ED EDD N EDDY. I only own my OC, Sutton.
1. Chapter 1: An Ed Day

I muttered quietly to myself as I labeled the various things in my locker. Ah, free period. When I wasn't filling my brain with important knowledge for the future in Peach Creek Junior High, I was making sure everything I owned was completley spotless.

"And here we have my advanced algebra book, my pencils..." I muttered to myself, typing it in on my label maker.

I stuck the final labels on and marveled at my work. After all, a clean locker was a happy locker! It felt good to know you had an organized space.

"HI DOUBLE D!" A loud voice intruded my thoughts. Letting out a yelp, I nearly hit the ceiling from shock.

"Ed!" I complained, turning to my friend. Before I could continue, I smelled something horrid.

"Oh, Ed! When was the last time you bathed?" I asked, turning around to get my pine scented air freshener out of my locker. I retrieved it and proceeded to spray the area around Ed, hopefully killing the scent.

"Yesterday. In gravy." Ed replied, grinning.

"That's repulsive, Ed!" I said, carefully placing my air freshener back in it's rightful place.

"Yes I am!" Ed replied once more, still grinning.

"I'll ignore that comment." I remarked, turning my head to see Eddy walking toward me. Now I knew this was going to be a bad day.

"Hey, Sockhead." He said with a wave, a smirk on his face.

I grimaced, putting a hand on my head. 'Sockhead', that name was getting embarrassing and annoying, but it was too risky to get rid of my hat.

"Let me copy your homework." Eddy said, and started tearing through my locker. Books and papers flew down the hall.

My eyes widened in horror.

"GOOD HEAVENS EDDY! HAVE YOU GONE MAD?" I shouted, waving my arms frantically in the air.

"Chill, Double D. I'll put it back." Eddy replied, smirking as he pulled my math homework from my folder.

I made a lunge for him, but I was stopped by Ed, who pulled me into his grasp.

"It's okay, Double D. The cow and the chicken will come home from the moon." He said, patting me on the head.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Ed." I said in confusion, trying to escape his restrain.

Eddy laughed a little, shoving everything back in my locker.

"Get a brain, Ed." He said, leaning up against the row of lockers.

It's going to be a long day...

***Thanks for reading, reviews are nice!***


	2. Chapter 2: The New Ed

After School. Bittersweet, if you ask me. I sat outside in "The Cul-De-Sac" with my two best friends. One is offering a view of a live dinosaur for a quarter, while the other is chasing Rolf's chickens around.

"CHICKENS! PET THE CHICKENS, PET THE CHICKENS!" Ed screamed, chasing the flock across the road.

"LIVE DINOSAUR! Tomorrow! My garage! Only a quarter!" Eddy shouts, standing on a tree stump and waving an empty jar in the air.

"DINOSAUR! A ZOMBIE DINOSAUR FROM SPACE! Um...YEAH!" Ed agrees, waving to Eddy.

I sit, reading out of my science textbook, finishing my homework.

Typical Friday afternoon.

All of a sudden, a fast wind pulls the papers from me, blowing them into the air. I scramble for them, watching a blur of colors zoom past. The blur proceeds to zoom past Eddy. The shock pushes him off the stump and onto the ground. I put a hand over my mouth to hide my laughter.

Eddy's face turns red as the kids in the Cul-De-Sac start laughing.

"What a loser!" Kevin remarks.

I pay no attention to it, I was focusing on what knocked him down. As the blur slows, it is revealed to be somebody on a bike. A girl. My two friends stand next to me, also looking at the girl. She rounds the Cul-De-Sac and stops a few yards away from us, pulling her helmet off and revealing her fiery red hair.

"Who is that good looking guy?" Ed asks.

"Get some glasses, Ed. That's a girl." Eddy sneers, watching the girl get off her bike and park it.

I nod. "Yes, I believe she just moved in yesterday." I say, watching the girl sit on a large rock and put earphones in her ears.

She was pale and petite, her blazing red hair standing out from the rest of her. It was pulled back in one long braid, some shorter hair falling in her eyes.

"New kid? Psh, they're easy to scam." Eddy remarks, intruding my thoughts.

"NEW KID!" Ed shouts, and rushes over to the new girl.

Ed grabs the girls hand and shakes it violently. "Hi new girl! I am Ed, zombie alien slayer!" He says.

Eddy laughs, smirking. "Wait for me, you idiot!" He says, running after him. He takes a seat by the girl, putting an arm around her.

"Hey good looking, I'm Eddy. Wanna see a live dinosaur? Only a quarter." He asks, waiving the empty jar in front of her face.

I put a hand over my eyes. _Oh, the shame..._

Taking a quick peak from my cover, I notice the girl looking very overwhelmed and confused. Might as well save her from what is about to come. I get up, and walk slowly over to where the girl and my friends are.

"Please, fellas. Let's give her some space." I say quietly.

The guys are too distracted to listen. They are both chatting away to the girl.

"Fellas!" I shout. Both boys stop. Eddy looked at me, looking surprised. I opened my mouth to apologize, but yet another voice stops me.

"Sutton! Come in and help me unpack!" A female voice from a nearby house shouts.

"Ma!" The girl shouts in protest.

"Sutton d'Arcy James, NOW!" The female voice reprimands.

The girl quickly turns around and races for the house, with no response to us whatsoever.

Eddy snorted.

"Sutton? Ha! What kind of name is Sutton?" He said, and started laughing.

Ed shrugs, and runs off to chase Rolf's chickens again. "PET THE CHICKEN!" He shouts.

Maybe I'd talk to this Sutton girl tomorrow. Maybe.

***Why yes, I did borrow the names of Broadway stars xD***


	3. Chapter 3: An Ed Too Far

Once again, I found myself in Eddy's garage, drawing up some ridiculous scam.

"How do I get myself into these things?" I mutter to myself, grabbing my ruler and jotting a few things down.

A large, cheap, wooden frame of a dinosaur's foot was standing in the garage, halfway covered with some kind of cement.

"Hurry it up, lumpy! We need more gravy!" Eddy, who was standing on top of the foot, called out the open window.

Ed burst through the wall, plaster chunks falling all over the place. He was carrying a large bathtub, full of gravy. He was laughing in a very non-intelligent way.

"Don't hurt yourself, Ed." I commented, glancing over to him. I took a quick look out the window.

Johnny had just picked up one of Rolf's chickens from the road. "Look, Plank! We caught another one!" He said happily.

Rolf began to chase him. "JOHNNY THE WOOD BOY! UNHAND ROLF'S FOWL!" He shouted.

Ed's expression changed. "Chicken?" He asked. He threw the bathtub in the air and made a beeline for the hole he made in the wall. "CHICKEN!" He ran outside.

"ED, NO!" Eddy and I chorused, but too late. The bathtub smashed into the dinosaur foot, causing everything to topple over. I managed to escape the garage with no injuries. Except my self esteem, of course.

Eddy blew his stack. He grabbed Ed by his shirt and started shouting. "CRAP, ED! YOU MORON! WE COULD OF BEEN SWIMMING IN JAWBREAKERS BY NOW, BUT-" He suddenly stopped.

"What is it, Eddy?" I asked, but soon figured out. Soft singing, coming from Sutton's house.

"She's a singer? Weirdo." Eddy said, listening. "BUT, I could make big bucks off this voice!" He added, and ran off in the direction of Sutton's house.

"Gravy!" Ed shouted, and chased after him.

I sighed. "Fellas, wait up!" I shouted, running after them. _Curse my irritability._ I thought.

We finally stopped at the large, blue house. The singing was coming from the highest window. A ladder lay on the ground. I knew where this was going.

Next thing I knew, I was on a ladder, peering into Sutton's window with Ed and Eddy.

"Quit shaking, sockhead. You're gonna knock us over." Eddy complained, straining himself to see through the window. Sutton was singing along to a Broadway style song, I believe from a musical titled "Avenue Q".

"_When I was little, I thought I would be,_

_a big comedian on late night TV."_

I raised an eyebrow. This was a strange song, but Sutton could sure sing.

Sutton turned around, looking like she was about to hit a note. Her eyes widened as she saw us in the window.

"Crap." Eddy muttered, trying to climb down. "Move it, lumpy!" He said, sounding alarmed, trying to climb down the ladder. Too late.

Sutton marched to her window, looking angry.

"SHE'S AN ALIEN! SHE'S GONNA EAT US, EDDY! SAVE US, DOUBLE D!" Ed shouted.

Sutton grabbed the ladder, and to my surprise, pushed it back. The three of us screamed as we plummeted towards Earth.

"Of all the new kids, we get the phsyco." I heard Eddy mutter, and then all three of us blacked out.

***Changed the description!***


	4. Chapter 4: BustEd

I awoke, dazed and confused. Had Sutton actually pushed us off the ladder? The idea surprised me. I took a look around the room I was in. It was purple, with posters of popular Broadway musicals hanging on the walls. I was sitting on an orange bed, Ed and Eddy beside me.

Ed looked at me, looking horrified. "We're in its torture chamber, Double D! She's gonna suck our brains out with the Spoon of Destruction! Just like in Zombie Alien Attack five!" He whispered, shaking.

Eddy snorted. "Geez, Ed. Get some air. We're in the new kid's bedroom." He said.

I agreed. But why?

Sutton was standing over us, looking angry. "All right, you have five seconds to explain yourself before I knock you into next week." She hissed.

"Relax, kid. We were listening to you singing." Eddy said nonchalantly, and began toying with a Slinky on her night table.

Sutton snatched the Slinky out of Eddy's hands. "What, you couldn't have done it from the ground?" She argued.

Before Eddy could mess this one up, I spoke up. "W-well, we were attracted to your singing. It was v-very nice." I stuttered.

Sutton's expression softened a bit. "Fine. But if I catch you eavesdropping on me again, I will smack the dork out of all three of you. Understand?" She barked.

The three of us nodded.

Sutton nodded. "Now scram." She said, pointing to the door.

Ed, Eddy and I sprung from the bed and ran at full speed out the door and out of Sutton's house.

"Hey guys." A familiar voice chimed when we got out of the house. "Saying hello to Sutton?"

All three of us turned around to see Nazz. My knees began to shake, and my palms started to sweat._ Oh, mercy, why now?_ I thought. I nodded automatically at her question.

She smiled that beautiful smile of hers. "Cool. We're having a welcoming party for her tonight. Wanna come?" She asked.

All three of us nodded again.

"Y-yeah, sure." Eddy stuttered.

Nazz perked up. "Cool! We're bringing her some welcoming gifts. Bring them to my house at six." She said, and skipped away.

"Yes! We just got invited to one of Nazz's parties." Eddy remarked happily.

"Yes, but we're not wanted there. What will Sutton think when she sees us?" I asked, worried.

Eddy smirked. "Psh, who cares? If we're nice to this girl, we're automatically popular!" He said.

"You always come back to that, don't you?" I asked him.

"Shut it, sockhead." Eddy snapped.

A party. For a girl that hates our guts. We're invited to it. Oh, the irony.


	5. Chapter 5: A MessEd Up Party

5:45. A quarter of a hour until Sutton's party. I was holding a homemade grooming wheel, complete with combs, hair irons, hair dryers, all things girls use on their hair. It was the least I could do to apologize to Sutton. I stood in my front yard, waiting for Ed and Eddy to show up.

Eddy finally showed up, looking ridiculous. He was wearing his Elvis costume from last Halloween.

"Why, Eddy? Aren't we embarrassed enough?" I asked him.

Eddy laughed. "My brother told me chicks are only attracted by one thing-cash. I want to look rich for Nazz." He remarked, striking a ridiculous pose.

I sighed. "That is so superficial, Eddy. Female admirers want meaningful things like sincerity, respect and good grooming." I pointed out intelligently.

I didn't even notice Ed walk over. "And gravy, Double D. Don't forget gravy." He said.

I sighed again. "Let's just go before we're late, fellas." I said, motioning for them to follow me to Nazz's house.

We got to Nazz's house just a minute before six. Luckily, Sutton hadn't shown. Maybe we could just drop off our gifts and leave.

"Glad to see you, guys!" Nazz shouted, smiling and running up to us.

I started to sweat again. _Oh dear..._

Before I could make a fool of myself, the door opened. Oh mercy, it was Sutton.

Her red hair was in the same long braid it had always been in. She was wearing a black top and teal skirt. _She looks very pretty..._ I started to think, but then stopped myself.

She smiled at everybody, but her smile faded when she saw Ed, Eddy, and I. I quickly hid behind Ed, who also looked frightened. Sutton walked over to Nazz and began talking to her, to my luck.

For most of the party, I hid under the snack table. That is, until somebody else crawled under there, obviously escaping the party. The person turned, and a long red braid bumped me in the back.

"Sutton?" I asked in rare confusion.

She turned to me with wide eyes. "You! You're that sock kid watching me through my window this morning!" She whispered violently. "And now I see you at this party? Why can't I move in like a normal kid?" She asked herself.

I nodded, ashamed. "Yes. And I wanted to ap-" I started to apologize, but was stopped. The table cloth was lifted, revealing Rolf.

"Girl with hair of fire! Sock bearing Ed boy! Rolf has been looking for you. For it is time to present gifts!" He said.

Sutton shrugged and climbed out under the table, motioning for me to follow. I hesitated, but followed her anyways.

"Rolf must go first!" Rolf cried, taking a large gourd out of his pocket. "Rolf grew this in the old country, with the help of his Great Nano! Weep at the sight of Rolf's pride!" He said, giving her the gourd.

"Gee, thanks Rolf." Sutton said, ovbiously trying to be nice.

Gift by gift went past, until it was down to Ed and I. I presented my gift first.

"It's a grooming wheel. All the things you need to aid your hair." I said, presenting it to Sutton.

To my surprise, she smiled as she took it. "Thanks. Edd, right?" She asked.

I nodded. "Yes, you're welcome. My nickname is Double D." I said.

She smiled again and put the gift to the side. Then, it was on to Ed's gift.

"Your turn, Ed." I said, gesturing to Sutton.

To my surprise, Ed jumped through the air, landed in front of Sutton, and started spraying her with some liquid. She coughed and tried to wave him away.

"Good heavens, Ed! What are you doing?" I asked him frantically.

"I am spraying the alien with alien repellant!" He shouted back, continuing to spray Sutton.

Sutton's skin began to rash out. "You idiot, I'm not an alien! That's coconut air freshener! I'm allergic!" She snapped. Her skin was red. Sutton ran out of the house, trying to cover herself.

Eddy laughed. "Way to go, Lumpy!" He cheered, slapping Ed on the back.

My jaw hit the floor, so to speak.

Kevin growled at Ed. "Dork!" He said, and punched him in the chest.

I quickly tried to pull Ed and Eddy away, but ended up being caught in the mess.

This is going to hurt in the morning.


End file.
